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Get Off Your Phone!

Get Off Your Phone!

The little computer in our purse or pocket has the potential to improve or ruin our lives.  So much can be learned about a woman from how she uses her phone; the when, the where, the what, and the why.  In a day and age when simply downloading an app can have hordes of men wanting to compliment and pursue you, we have to be careful and make good decisions. 

Here are the top 5 ways cellphones are damaging relationships:

  1. Breeds Mistrust
  2. Invites Toxic Social Media Into Your Life
  3. Distraction
  4. Brings Work With You Everywhere
  5. Promotes Unladylike Behavior

Here are the top 5 ways cellphones can help a relationship:

  1. Instant Communication
  2. Location Tracking
  3. Voluntary Transparency
  4. Improved Accountability
  5. Familial Connection

We have all seen the women out on dates on their phones and ignoring the gentleman who took time out of his life to spend with her, only to deal with her texting her ex or uploading food pictures to show off to her friends how 'good' she has it.  There is nothing more gross than a mother at the playground doing everything she can on her phone in order to ignore her child who desperately is yelling "look what I can do mom!".

The way we use our phone is a reflection of the level of RESPECT that we have for those in our surroundings.  Ever been in an elevator with a woman loudly talking on her phone on speaker with earbuds in? Ever been waiting at the DMV only to have the woman to your left watching audible videos loud enough for the clerk to hear?  Don't be one of those.  *shivers*

Even more so, the phone/internet era makes infidelity easier than ever.  Women have found creative and vindictive ways of covering their cheating tracks when it comes to use of social media. 

Because I know this and because I love and respect my man, we have developed a way to use phones to have transparency, eliminate doubt, and build trust.  Both of us have seen how damaging not doing so can be.  If you love your man, you will be open to transparency, not because you have 'nothing to hide' but because you want him to be absolute in his trust of you.

Phone Use When In a Relationship

  1. When on a date, keep your phone in your purse.  Or ask him if he can hold it for you. If you need to use or check it, ask him before doing so "Do you mind if I…?"  Keep this down to once or twice.  Better yet, leave your phone at home.
  2. Eliminate all unnecessary apps.  Still got a dating app on your phone from before you met? Get rid of it.  If you can, get off social media - it toxifies your life.  If you are on social media, give him your username and passwords to all accounts.
  3. When at home, keep your phone unlocked.  Even better, share your password/key.
  4. Don't take your phone to the bathroom EVER.
  5. Don't take every opportunity to check your phone when he leaves the room and then suddenly put it to sleep when you hear him coming back. 
  6. If he asks what you are doing on your phone, show him.  If he sees you on your phone, be proactive and tell him what's up.  He shouldn't have to ask and doesn't want to.
  7. Keep work off your phone.  If you cannot, limit checking work email whenever possible.   Use auto responders when you are off hours or on the weekend and ESPECIALLY when on vacation.
  8. Make sure he has the contacts of everyone you speak to frequently. Not just so he knows who they are and can verify their numbers, he can contact them if anything were to happen to you.
  9. If he goes to bed before you do, give him your phone.  What man can fall asleep wondering if his girlfriend is trolling for male attention online looking to branch swing.
  10. Give him the login to your email.  We all use multiple devices, if he has any doubts, he can just look. 

Additional Things You Can Do (Not for the Faint of Heart)

  1. You both Download a GPS tracker like Life360.   Setup a family circle and share it with him. You can check in whenever you go out, or set auto alerts for when you get to/from home, work, or other places you go regularly.  He'll never doubt that you are going where you say you are going.
  2. Download an app like Hoverwatch - This app not only gives him insight to your location, but also in/out bound text messages, the camera on your phone, images received, even your activity on popular apps.  This does require a monthly subscription.  Tip: this is a must if you have kids with phones.
  3. You can also download a keystroke logger.  This tracks everything you type into your phone, in any app.  It requires an export of a text file to see and doesn't format or timestamp data, but it's handy if he questions something, you can produce proof.
  4. Have him review your contacts.  Are there men in your phone? Tell him who they are and why it is necessary to keep their information.  Keep your contacts clean. 

Is all of this necessary? Not always. However, if or when an argument arises, there are things that you can put into place to problem solve to resolution.   No man has time to track all of this junk, but by showing transparency, you are protecting his investment in you.  If he tells you "oh that's not necessary" do it anyway. 

Much of this is for the benefit of YOU as well.   Knowing that you are accountable for what you say and do on your phone will help keep your subconscious in line. If you truly do want to misbehave, it will take a lot of work and mistakes will be made.   This will ensure a clean break if you decide you want to move on. 

There is no such thing as privacy in a committed relationship. When it's you and him against the world,  he needs to not have to think about what you are doing on your phone - he's got better things to do with his time. However, it requires both of you to protect your investment in one another.  Again, this isn't about trust, it's about transparency.  Does this work both ways? It can but it doesn't have to.  A woman who insists it be so, shows her lack of trust in him.  And we all know by now, a woman can't love a man she doesn't respect and trust.

Please comment below.

Be well.
  -- RRPW

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