5 Common Lies Women Tell Themselves
We as women are very good liars. Why? Because we don't just lie to other people, we lie to ourselves and believe it. Perhaps it's a bit of "head in the sand" logic, maybe it's on purpose. Maybe we believe what our "friends" tell us because they are being "nice". This does us a disservice and I want to go over some of the most common lies we tell ourselves to avoid accountability.
It wasn't my fault!
Sure it wasn't honey. This is why you are crying after drunk puking when he dumped you for making out with his best friend. Seriously though, unless you can take a backseat in the blame game, nothing is going to change. EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Whether now is a manifestation of poor choices or bad circumstance, or an oversight of the past, we all have to own our role in the outcome.
I didn't do anything wrong!
You didn't? OK, maybe you played by the rules, did everything right. But GUESS WHAT? If your man has suspicions, you are DOING SOMETHING WRONG. Analyze your past behavior. Men never freak out over a one time event, they focus on a confluence of events that leads them to their perspective. Take a step back and listen. Talking about the details HONESTLY can eliminate much of the stressors and be open to being transparent going forward.
There was nothing I could do!
Ok, so we are all victims here? "I didn't have any control when he pulled me aside and kissed me!" Uh, what? Try turning your head, stomping his foot, running to your man and telling him what's what, if he's not there, LEAVE. We all have control over our responses and actions. Don't let a "snowflake turn into an avalanche". You are responsible for your behavior at all times, not just the consequence or outcome.
I did the best I could!
...And your best wasn't good enough... So where do you go from here? This is a good time to reflect and realize that your "best" may have been "just enough" to satiate your ego and was truly meaningless when push comes to shove. Your BEST is only defined by your latest actions. "Best" doesn't take a vacation, it has to be inherently within YOU. A man will be understanding and take all points into account, however, you are wise to respond with "I thought I did my best, but I now know that I could do better, and here's why..."
I deserve better!
The ultimate admittance of failure. What if this is as good as you can do? What if the next man in line is worse? What if you are out thinking your SMV or ability to retain a quality man? Do you really deserve better or do you just think you "should"? The quality of the men you attract is a reflection on yourself. If you are only getting attention and commitment from dumpster fires, consider you may be the match.
Honestly, some men aren't worth the effort or time. However, if you truly love a man, what better can there be? Stop the hamster, the hypergamy, stop thinking the grass is greener. If you are in a relationship, reflect on why before discounting him. You chose him for a reason. Yes, people change, they get bad habits, they go through hard times. However, jumping ship or "branch swinging" because he doesn't meet 100% of your needs every moment of every day...well you might want to analyze how needy you truly are.
Ladies, be the pillow he rests his head on. Be the pier he ties up to when he comes home. No man wants to feel like he has to shoulder EVERYTHING and he shouldn't. Let these excuses go and ask questions like "How can I be better", "What did I do wrong?", "What else can I have done?". These answers will help secure a brighter future and avoid repeating past mistakes or problems.
Quit making excuses. Own your part of the deal.
Got something to say? Please read the About page and comment below.