Why 'The Bachelorette' Will Never Be Happy
This season of The Bachelorette features a woman named Becca. In the season prior to this one, on the Bachelor, Arie Luyendyk, Jr. (a retired racecar driver) proposed to Becca only to realize a few months later that he really loved the runner up Lauren. He withdrew his proposal from Becca and proposed to Lauren.
I would also like to mention that on that season of the Bachelor, while in Peru, Becca's Alpha-Chad-like ex-boyfriend of 7 years, Ross Jirgl, SHOWED UP at the hotel and begged for her to come back to him. She sent him away. This man flew THOUSANDS of miles to grovel at her feet only to be publicly rejected. He obviously loved her very much.
Now Becca is the center of attention, with scores of eligible, good-looking men battling for her time and attention. All of the elements are in place for her to find the man of her dreams, who can make her happy for the rest of her life, right? Wrong. Becca will never be happy, and here's why.
Easy Come, Easy Go
Becca is a beautiful graduate of the Minnesota State University and works as a publicist for a boutique public relations agency (1). While she has known heartache, losing her father to cancer at age 19, she has not known hardship. Especially when it comes to getting attention from men.
Her ex-boyfriend Ross is a Stanford football coach who once proposed to Becca after a 7 year relationship. She said no. I am assuming this is for a good reason? Perhaps. In interviews and on social media, she described the relationship as being 'unhealthy' and that "he didn’t always 'exemplify' the qualities people would want to see in their loved ones' partners." (2).
So then she follows that up by going on a show with 25 other women and throwing herself at a stranger with the intended outcome of marriage, and wow, her dream comes true. She's living the good life now, she's a celebrity! So what does she do? She goes to Las Vegas without her soon-to-be husband and gets a tattoo? Aiyee.
Was she really that surprised when Arie broke it off after acting like an out of pocket teenager and basically publicly embarrassing him? Women serious about marriage do not go off to Vegas on a "work trip" and get a tattoo (who get's a tattoo on a work trip?) while their so to be husband is left home alone to ponder over what might be or what could have been.
Becca has been alpha-widowed TWICE. Will any man be good enough to measure up to the strength, the success, the frame, the showmanship of love that the men in her past have?
Every Excuse In The Book
So far, on this season of The Bachelorette, it is easy to see a theme. "Are you here for the right reasons?" While men attempt to throw one another under the bus and run game on her, she's has made it a million times harder on herself to put herself in a position to be open to trust and to develop loyalty.
This show puts people in a position to treat love as a trophy. Something to be won rather than developed and earned. That caveat, not to mention that Becca is damaged goods, makes and outcome of happiness almost impossible. See, Becca knows the deal, because she's been a contestant on this game show of love. She thought she won, she didn't, and now she thinks she's the prize. It's kind of heartbreaking.
When it comes down to is, this is a game of excuses - why should I get rid of all but one guy. Well, this guy can't run fast, this guy can't sing well, this guy wasn't aggressive enough, this guy is shy, this guy told me he loved me, this guy didn't. It's a chess match of emotions, and no one is going to win.
Begging For Love
On one final note, the Bachelorette will never be happy with the man she offers the final rose to because he is put in a position to beg for her time, attention, and finally her commitment. She hasn't had to work for any of his time, any of his attention, his commitment or any of the qualities that truly attract a woman to a man.
Not to mention the fact that she's using her 'heartbreak' of Arie as a springboard to question their every word and action. She's not open to finding love, any woman who is doesn't preamble it with "Let's do the damn thing!".
I feel bad for Becca in many ways. She is looking for something she will never find. Because she doesn't know what it is. She THINKS she does, but she doesn't trust men at this point in her life, and as a consequence, cannot truly love a man. A process that should take years is supposed to occur in just a few months with a different outcome? Not gonna happen. I do wish her well though. Gotta love TV. Don't even get me started on the new show The Proposal. :/
Be well. (And don't go on TV to get married!)